The Adventure Begins…
The Chief Idiot of the Facebook Supreme Court partially reversed his stupid decision to permanently delete my account/ban me for life. So, just to do a quick recap, I was banned for 3 days, 7 days, 10 days, 7 days, 10 days, 7 days, 30 days, 7 days, lifetime, and now 30 days again. All for the same post.
Here I’m going to explore the history of Facebook stupidity with regard to this case.
The first stupid decision happened when some unskilled Facebook employee tagged a meme I posted on Jan 6 as a violation two days later, on Jan 8:
Here’s the meme, by the way:
Search “chewbacca bikini” and look at the pictures on Facebook. There are literally thousands of copies of this exact same post all over the fucking place.
On Jan 10 they refused to review or change their stupid decision. They blamed COVID for their stupidity in the full version of their response, but here is the version currently sitting in my support inbox:
Then on Jan 10 this decision triggered a cascading loop effect where their idiotic algorithm tagged and re-tagged the same post 16 times in a row:
As you can see clearly, Facebook’s low-skilled employees “reviewed” the same content and decided that it violated “Community Standards” 10 times, but didn’t violate “Community Standards” 6 times. BTW, I didn’t post 16 instances of this content. They decided to just keep violating the same post over and over again, back-to-back.
Facebook Pervs Out
On Feb 2 we took a detour when some low-skilled Facebook employee decided to Groundhog Day me with a violation of a comment:
Here’s the full comment in context:
I can just imagine some Idiotic Facebook Employee masturbating over his keyboard to this photo and then declaring it a violation of “Community Standards” based on their own perversion. Some other Facebook Employee with his dick still in his pants reversed that decision a couple of hours later.
Why this dumbass chose my comment to jerk off to and ban, instead of the hundreds of other posts containing this same image (and even worse variations that actually included naked people literally fucking each other), is a question the Facebook Philosophers™ will ponder.
Facebook Can’t Stop Jerking It
We were good for about 9 days, when suddenly some Low-Skilled Facebook Perv Employee decided he couldn’t stop jacking it to Facebook’s Favorite Attorney™, the Official Lawyer of Nazis and White Supremacists Everywhere™, Rudy Giuliani:
This meme was a screen grab from the Borat movie, showing Rudy Giuliani adjusting his microphone while lying on a bed during an interview, with a hilarious caption:
There are hundreds of copies of this same screen grab all over Facebook. And hundreds of memes based on it, but this is the one that sexually excited the Puritan Facebook Staff and had them whacking their tallies so hard they had to ban it. They refused to reverse this decision, because they’re apparently very perverted and not too bright over their in their Facebook Censorship Sweatshops™.
Two Weeks Of Peace
For two weeks there was peace across the land, when out of nowhere some Dumb-Ass Facebook Algorithm written by one of their patented Low-Skilled Programmers™ violated my comment on Feb 26. The comment is shown below in its full context:
The violated this one within literally 1 minute of the comment being posted:
As you can see, they reversed their decision on this one about an hour later and put the comment back up on Facebook. But Facebook had fired their warning shot. They DO NOT like it when you disparage their Golden Idol Worship.
Facebook Breaks The Twelve Day Truce
For the next 12 days, Facebook left me the Fuck Alone™ to go about my business. But suddenly, on Mar 10 their Low-Skilled Programmers™ apparently changed their algorithm suddenly to re-violate the original meme post from Jan 8th:
They reviewed and overturned all of the Mar 10 violations of this post. Even sent me a bunch of nice apologies, which I will be posting to Facebook at some point (“We’re sorry. Sometimes we get it wrong.” blah blah blah bullshit).
Well, at least they overturned them until three days later. On Mar 13 they violated the same meme again:
They did a double-violation for the same meme and decided one was OK, but the other was a violation of “Community Standards.” The level of stupidity baked into their algorithms and censorship sweatshops is matched only by the incompetence of their management.
On my first day of the new Facebook Prison sentence, they violated the same meme again. They ultimately overturned this one:
Two days later, on Mar 16 while I was getting my Facebook Prison Cell organized, they violated the same meme again, 5 times:
This time they said this meme didn’t follow “Community Standards” three times and did follow “Community Standards” twice.
Then, while I was in Facebook Prison, they decided to violate the post AGAIN on Mar 17:
As an aside, when you click on the “View” button next to the six Mar 16-17 violations, every one of them references decisions reversing the Mar 11-13 violations. We can chalk that up to Facebook’s Shit Programming™ and God-Awful Programmers Who Don’t Know What The Fuck They’re Doing™. Because apparently, Linked Lists Are Fucking Hard™ for Computer Science 101 Drop-Outs.
Lifetime Ban
So all of this added up to a threat to delete my fucking Facebook account. Basically, a lifetime ban:
All because Facebook Programmers are shit, Facebook’s Sweatshop Reviewers are unskilled, and Facebook Management doesn’t know how to manage. They should all quit their fucking jobs and go Learn How To Code™. Especially their Shit Programmers™.
Epilogue
Now that I have my account back, I’m considering waiting out their 30-day ban and then deleting my account on my own terms.
I waited a really long time before joining Facebook, and the only real reason I joined was to advertise some items I was selling online at the time. I ran the numbers, and their advertising did not increase my sales as much as I had hoped. I got two to four times better performance from other advertising tactics. I was willing to wait it out to try some new advertising tactics, but paying for advertising on their platform was basically a fucking money pit. Since advertising was my only reason for joining Facebook, if I can’t advertise for 90 days, then why the fuck do I need all this aggravation from unskilled programmers, inconsistent sweatshop censors, and incompetent management and support staff?
At this point I really don’t have any motivation to be on their shit platform, allowing them to sell my personal information to Oxford Analytica and their other shit partners doing God-Knows-What™ with it. At this point it seems more a matter of principle — I intend to leave Facebook on my own fucking terms. Because fuck them.
And though I have to admit I have made a couple of impulse purchases from Facebook advertisers, it’s just as easy to find what I’m looking for on Google. Facebook Delenda Est!
